Bobo's Usefull(less) Stories & Info

It started out innocently enough. I began to think at parties now and then
-- just to loosen up.

Inevitably, though, one thought led to another, and soon I was more than
just a social thinker.

I began to think alone -- "to relax," I told myself -- but I knew it wasn't
true. Thinking became more and more important to me, and finally I was
thinking all the time.

That was when things began to sour at home. One evening I turned off the TV
and asked my wife about the meaning of life. She spent that night at her
mother's.

I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and employment don't mix,
but I couldn't help myself.

I began to avoid friends at lunchtime so I could read Thoreau, Muir,
Confucius and Kafka. I would return to the office dizzied and confused,
asking, "What is it exactly we are doing here?"

One day the boss called me in. He said, "Listen, I like you, and it hurts
me to say this, but your thinking has become a real problem. If you don't
stop thinking on the job, you'll have to find another job."

This gave me a lot to think about. I came home early after my conversation
with the boss. "Honey," I confessed, "I've been thinking..."

"I know you've been thinking," she said, "and I want a divorce!"

But Honey, surely it's not that serious." "It is serious," she said, lower
lip aquiver.

"You think as much as college professors and college professors don't make
any money, so if you keep on thinking, we won't have any money!"

"That's a faulty syllogism," I said impatiently.

She exploded in tears of rage and frustration, but I was in no mood to deal
with the emotional drama.

"I'm going to the library," I snarled as I stomped out the door.

I headed for the library, in the mood for some Nietzsche. I roared into the
parking lot with NPR on the radio and ran up to the big glass doors.

They didn't open. The library was closed.

To this day, I believe that a Higher Power was looking out for me that
night. Leaning on the unfeeling glass, whimpering for Zarathustra, a poster
caught my eye, "Friend, is heavy thinking ruining your life?" it asked.

You probably recognize that line. It comes from the standard Thinkers
Anonymous poster.

This is why I am what I am today: a recovering thinker.

I never miss a TA meeting. At each meeting we watch a non-educational
video; last week it was "Porky's." Then we share experiences about how we
avoided thinking since the last meeting.

I still have my job, and things are a lot better at home. Life just
seemed easier, somehow, as soon as I stopped thinking. I think the road to
recovery is nearly complete for me.

Today I took the final step...I joined the Democratic Party (Just kidding-no hate mail please)

Okay, so you are at a party and snatch an import in front of a hot girl. Of course, there is no opener in sight. You want to look cool in front of the girl. What to do?

Are you wearing a ring? Great. Slip the ring on your middle finger and rotate it until the thickest part faces down.

Grasp the bottle firmly with the hand without the ring and bring your ring hand over the top palm flat. Tilt the neck of the bottle slightly away from you, position the outside portion of your ring just under the inside teeth of the cap. cough loudly to get the girls attention.

Using your hand as a lever, quickly roll the wrist forward as though you are shifting a car into high gear. At the same time, tilt the bottle toward you. Your ring should hook the cap like a bottle opener and peel it right off.

If it worked, you are the shit and get the girl.

Begin with a stack of 8 chips and split them into 2 stacks of 4. Push them together so that all of the edges of the 2 stacks touch. Grab both stacks with 1 hand. Press your thumb against 1 stack, middle and ring fingers against the other. Place your pointer finger on the thumb stack near where the 2 stacks meet. With your pointer finger, lift the thumb stack while pushing both stacks together with your thumb, middle and ring fingers. Next, raise your hand straight up while keeping the thumb stack on top. As you lift your hand, the 2 stacks should shuffle into each other.

Okay, so you know that Rock beats Scissors, Scissors cuts paper and Paper beats Rock. Most women seem to open with scissors. So start with Rock when playing a woman. Most people rarely repeat the same throw. So, if she opened with scissors, she is going to go with Paper or Rock next. If you are not able to get a quick win, repeat a move. Inexperienced players will be fooled with this move.

Begin by wiping the neck of the bottle with a clean cloth before removing the cap. Stand next to the cooler with your weak arm closest to the machine. Squat down and plant your feet hugging the jug firmly around the middle. Lift your legs and tilt the bottle as your rise. When the bottle is parallel to the ground, move your strong arm up so your hand is on the base of the bottle. Use that hand to tilt and adjust. Move in a smooth 90 degree arc toward your goal.